I owe myself an apology.
Most of the time I am exhausted because I am so hard on myself. I think I can do everything alone and I don’t know when to ask for help or when to speak up. I don’t know how to get back to the way I was before.
Everyone says sorry. Everyone thinks that sorry is just going to heal someone or make the pain go away. It may help them but to the one you are saying sorry to it doesn’t always help. While I want to believe everyone who says sorry actually means it, just saying sorry each time makes me feel less and less like that word has any meaning. Going out of your way to actually do something you are sorry would be a lot better. Actions have always spoken louder then words to me.
Empath- I have talked about this before. Being one is a curse and a blessing all in itself. To truly know and read about an empath would be a way to figure out how to really help one.
I don’t know where my life is taking me right, I don’t know if I will ever truly get the life I have always wanted. I put so much into my last relationship that I really don’t know if I have the heart to do it again. I want to. I want to be loved. I want someone to care about me, think about me, want to talk to me. I want to make someones life better because I am in it. I want to be wanted. I want to be the one someone picks over and over again. Maybe I don’t hate her because of the situation, maybe I hate her because she got the life I always wanted. Maybe I am jealous that she was the chosen one when I was the one trying. Its like she didn’t have to do anything but entertain for a couple of weekends and got a ring. I would have been okay with no ring, nothing but the I love yous to continue. If I couldn’t even manage to have someone keep their word and promise while living with me how am I ever going to do that just dating again.
I really am starting to think my life is just meant to be me and my children and Ares. I was placed here to help everyone and just live that way. I miss the touch and everything I have mentioned before but I don’t want that from anyone else. I don’t want to give my heart to someone else when mine is damaged and has a piece missing.
So I owe myself and apology for picking everyone else up but myself. I am sorry I didn’t love myself longer before bring someone else in. I am sorry I didn’t trust myself to give up when I should have. I am sorry I continue to love someone when they don’t love me and hurting myself because of it. I am sorry that I make myself tired because I can’t stop thinking of everything.
Everyone take it easy on yourselves because we don’t know where our lives are going.
Taking the kids to float the river before going to pick up the wonderful Ares!
Everyone have a great Sunday. Relax, Breath and love.