Fall.

Last week was mental illness awareness.

First let me say it is okay to not be okay.

There are nights I still cry. I have nightmares, night sweats, toss and turn most of the night. I have within the last few months taken myself all anti-anxiety meds and depression medication because I wanted to feel everything and let it all come to the surface. It has been hard to find a balance. There are days I have flashbacks of being in the room with him and being so happy but they quickly change to sadness.

March was the last I have heard from him. He said “night” and that was the last I ever heard. Since March I have wondered how a human, “a man” can just do that to a person. There are days, weeks that I am okay. I don’t think about him, I don’t cry and I live completely happy but then my son calls another man Skyler by accident and the look on his face of pure sadness, that he misses someone so much and doesn’t understand himself.

I raise kids day after day and I roll through the same routine day after day. Happy on the outside and still destroyed on the inside. One human one person took something from me and while that person doesn’t matter to me anymore the actions that took place do. The things you do to someone can have a lasting impact on their life. It’s time I pack all of the stuff I have and mail it.

It is okay not to be okay.

You take each day as it comes and hope that you are doing everything to make it right. If you messed up in the past reach out and say what you need to even if it is a letter you don’t know how those words can actually help someone move along in their life. Be kind to one another because you don’t know what is going on in their home life.

We are all struggling in life right now with this pandemic. Adding the struggle of past and present demons can make it worse. Let it out. Speak your story and if you can’t or are worried talk to me I’ll speak for you!

Abuse comes in all forms. Mental and physical. If something doesn’t feel right speak up!

I am here for you.

I hope everyone is happy and healthy!

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