Curve balls.

Life has been crazy, hard, loving and did I mention crazy?

I started this blog mainly for me. To get things out. To be heard and know that I am not alone in this world. I went through something traumatic in Arizona. A place that I went to so I could discover myself. A place I wanted to stand on my own two feet. I made a mistake there. I trusted someone when I knew I shouldn’t have. I saw the signs. I still see them.

Life has been throwing curve balls at me and still nothing compares to what he did to us. I found out I have an auto-immune disease, one I probably have been living with for a long time. One that affects most of my life. If he would have waited and fought with me instead of against me he would have seen how I much stronger I would have become. He would have seen me in a completely different way. I couldn’t control a lot because I didn’t know what was going on but now, now I can.

I am so much more amazing. I am strong, I have energy and happiness. I no longer get angry, I still get sad but not even close to what I was. I got better and the best part is I have someone now that stands by my side and has been through it all. He never gives up on me for someone easier. He loves my boys when he doesn’t have to at all. He stays. I have accomplished a lot in my life, more so in the last year with my career and my home life. I have done so much good. I have let other know I am always here and most of all I have saved my own life. I have helped deliver babies, I have held hands in surgeries, I have calmed people down off a panic attack without medications, I have done CPR on the side of the road and saved a life. I want to save as many people because he almost killed me. I want to do good in this world even when I feel like mine is kicking me in the back.

I looked happier and I have grown. While he may look like life is slowly killing him, I look freaking amazing. I have someone by my side finally that I can talk to about anything, someone who doesn’t look at me like I’m a burden or not what he thinks a wife should look like. He treats me like I am a human and not trash he will one day just toss away.

It took me a long time to get here and I still work on myself everyday. I have made amends with most of the people from my past. I have said my sorrys and let go of my grudges. Which is more then what some will say.

Trust me when I say things get better you just have to keep pushing. Keep working on yourself. Advocate for yourself, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!

I will never stop telling my story about what happened in Arizona but I truly hope one day I can change the ending of the story with some answers and be able to say I know now he truly is sorry. As for now I don’t get to add that to the end of the story and for right now all I can do is hope for it.

I hope everyone is happy and healthy 🤍

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