Christmas has come and gone. This year we spent two full days on a ornament ball wall. It was the talk of the holiday.
I was the most excited about these. I am so ready for some ice fishing. If there is one thing I enjoy most about living in Wisconsin it is indeed ice fishing.
I thought Christmas was never going to get here. We have been such busy bodies planning and organizing everything to be able to have some wonderful family time. The boys got so many wonderful presents and I was prepared to give them one more.
I didn’t believe it at first. I was in shock and cried like I haven’t in a long time. I knew deep down I wanted just one more but I also knew not to get my hopes up. It was a Tuesday the day these were taken. I had called my doctor as soon as I got the positive. She was going to run blood work to make sure the numbers were right.
We were going to check again in a few days to make sure everything had doubled. That Friday at work I started to feel off. I knew by cramping something just was not right. Thankfully working at a doctors office I could just walk down the stairs and give more blood. While 52 would be a super early test about five weeks, I just knew.
It had indeed gone down and knew I was about to have a miscarriage. Once again two years later almost to the day I was losing another baby. December 24th 2018 I lost twin A. I was heartbroken. The only difference this time is I have a wonderful support system. I have a man that stood by my side and didn’t leave me the whole weekend. If he had to go some where he made sure someone could come stay with me and help with the boys. Two years ago I had no one. I was forced to handle it alone. He wasn’t a man and I am so thankful this time I have someone who is so loving and caring about me.
He doesn’t understand the damage he did to me. The flashbacks, PTSD, the horrible memories that hit me at night. I am stronger this time. This time it won’t kill me because I have the most loving people in my corner.
Now that the world is slowing down- let me show you some projects we have been up to.
There are still so many projects I want to do but I am most excited to gut the kitchen this spring and make it just how I want it. This has been the perfect first home for me and I am so grateful for my hard work to have been able to buy it all by myself and to have saved enough to be able to provide for my family independently.
I am so thankful for so much this year and the growth I have done. I won’t give up on growing my tribe but if it isn’t in the world for me to have a little girl I am ok with that too.
I am going to go cuddle up by my fireplace and watch the snow with my family.
I hope everyone is happy and healthy 🤍🤍🤍