Coming into March I have decided that it is finally time.
It is time that I go back to where my anxiety stems from and let it out. I have made an appointment with someone at LAFB for when I come into Arizona on the 13th. It is time that I speak my story and let it be heard, so that I can move on. I need to stop pushing my anxiety down and letting things go when in fact I have a right to not hide anymore. I have to right to speak. Even if it is just one person hearing me I have that right. The flashbacks, the pain, the unknown, the mind fucking that occurred.
Otherwise life is moving forward. Also in March we will be remodeling the kitchen completely. I am so excited for this step. I am excited that I get to design my own kitchen. Most of all I am most excited because it is the last big step before buying another house! That is right I have invested so much into this house already in less then a year that I have the ability to now rent it out and buy a new one. We love this one we truly do but with the boys and soon to be another we out grew it pretty quick. Yes! You read that right. After suffering the loss in December I had lost hope. I was ok with just having my boys but thankfully February was the month for us and we have a growing baby. I am early so I haven’t gotten fully excited yet but I am hopeful.
Other news Ares is getting his surgery on March 2nd. I am so excited for that to be done and over with. For him to go in the backyard again, to sleep in my bed again instead on the couch because he will not go up the stairs. It is not a cheep surgery and we had the option to not do anything but he is so young and frankly you can’t take money with you when you die.
While I am fully over the snow I am getting happier here. One day at a time. There are days that I can’t turn my brain off. There are days that I still cry and feel this horrible pain in my chest. There are also days that I am so happy. Days I dance around the house, I laugh and clean. There are days I want to scream and days I want to go on adventures. I don’t know if I will ever be ok with the pain Skyler caused me. I don’t know if the horrible things Skyler and Nicole did will ever be ok but one thing I do know it I will help others the this could happen to so that they never have to live the way I do.
Warm weather should be heading around the corner- I hope but for now I will go soak up the sun in Arizona. I hope you are all ready to come along on my new pregnancy journey and the journey of only keeping one job after the baby is born and owning two homes. I never thought at 31 I would be so blessed with my family and being able to afford these things on my own. I am thankful my best friends are so close by and I am busy every weekend. I am blessed and starting to love myself on the days that I can.
I hope everyone is happy and healthy.
Make today great and remember if you do someone wrong make it right.